As meaning making machines, we create stories to make sense of our experiences.

Then, those stories run our lives.

Yikes!

If you’re feeling stuck, you may want to rethink some of your stories.

Many chiropractors tell themselves that they’re worthless unless they’re adjusting patients: the “I need to be busy” story.

This works-based notion of identity and self-worth is not only untrue; it also doesn’t permit stillness for reflection or contemplation.

Then there’s the ever-popular patient waiting story. It’s not an excuse to ignore the clock, but if you’re up to something, there will be times patients will be asked to wait.

Waiting tells patients they’ve chosen a chiropractor in demand. We wait for things we want, things popular, and desirable. 

When the busy story and patient waiting story run concurrently, you have the perfect isometric lose/lose situation in which the sense of deep, soul satisfaction you deserve, remains elusive.

There are many other stories that can be equally debilitating. Here is a dozen in no particular order:

• The need to be liked story 
• The being friends with patients story 
• The I need to do more to justify my fee story 
• The low fee improves patient follow through story 
• The long report is more effective story 
• The success on my terms story 
• The more new patients solves everything story 
• The more hours I work the more people I can help story 
• The more I care the more the patient will care story 
• The hating the business of practice story 
• The spending more time produces better patient satisfaction story 
• The need to be right story

These and other stories that make up a chiropractor’s “operating system” fall into a handful of major categories:

Chiropractic – what it is and what it isn’t
Identity – roles and responsibilities
Boundaries – where your obligations end
New patients – communication and promotion
Time – utilizing your most important resource
Patient behaviors – why patients do what they do
Fees and profits – the business of chiropractic

Granted, it’s often difficult to diagnose our limiting stories from within our stories! However, there are a couple of tell-tale signs.

Where’s the Fear?

Many of the stories we create are used to quiet a fear, anxiety, or apprehension. Some of these tape loops go way back to when we were children. A common one? The fear of abandonment.

Let’s not forget the fear of disappointing others, often acquired from an overbearing parent. Which causes all manner of pathologies and boundary issues as we scramble to keep patients happy, taking on inappropriate responsibilities, such as feeling responsible for the speed of their recovery. Or being constantly on guard for fear because they're seen as a constant flight risk.

Stories used to tame fear lead to the frequently used phrase that my elementary school teachers often wrote on my report card: “not working up to his full potential.”

And while you don’t have a formal report card, an underperforming practice is an obvious proxy.

I see many of these self-limiting stories in our HeadSpace Coaching program. The natural tendency, rather than to create new stories, is a desire to make current stories perform better. But if that were likely, it would have already been discovered.

Simply put, those who are helping the number of patients you'd like to help have a different set of stories.

What Are We Avoiding?

The other element that is the source of stories is a less obvious form of fear. In other words, avoidance.

Those of us suffering from testosterone poisoning have a fairly predictable list of things we seek to avoid. Including, but not limited to looking incompetent, feeling less than, being seen as weak, vulnerable, or not having it all together.

This often manifests itself as a lack of confidence, lack of certainty, or being “found out,” the classic imposter syndrome.

Here’s a big avoidance strategy: not discussing the patient dismissal process up front. Or any other meaningful conversation that may be awkward or reveal a lack of control. This invites assumptions and unfulfilled expectations, leading to frustration and then anger.

When Stories Intersect

Keep in mind that every patient has a set of stories too. A majority of them based on a medical paradigm.

Remember each member of your support team has a set of stories as well.

And while you’re powerless to change the stories of others, you have the opportunity to show up curious, supportive, and respectful to inspire them to embrace a new story.

Be mindful that most of our stories are deeply ingrained and aren’t even thought of as “stories,” but simply the beliefs we’ve formed about how the world works.

Tread carefully.

Bill Esteb has been a chiropractic patient and advocate since 1981. He is the creative director of Patient Media and the co-founder of Perfect Patients. He’s been a regular speaker at chiropractic gatherings since 1985. His 12 books explore the doctor/patient relationship from a patient's point of view. His chiropractic blog, coaching program, patient focus groups and consulting calls have helped hundreds of chiropractors around the world. Since 1999 Monday Morning Motivation has been emailed to over 10,000 subscribers each week.