Dear Bill | Faking It

Posted by Bill Esteb on Feb 14th 2020

Dear Bill 

"If I'm positive, happy, excited and act the part of a busy, successful chiropractor, things will turn around? I'm not finding it easy to be positive. Do you have any suggestions on how to do that?"

Sounds like you want a prescription to change your symptoms from outside-in. Sorry, this is an inside job. However, here are some suggestions that may coax you into a more resourceful state.

1. Become reacquainted with your purpose. It's the inexperienced actor who, after a couple of takes, distracted by the bright lights and chaos on a movie set, will ask the director, “What's my motivation, again?" Which is another way of asking, “Who am I supposed to be in this scene." The actor is asking the director (who is ultimately responsible for such things) what persona they are supposed to be portraying.

God is your director. Not patients, your spouse, your debt, an unapproving parent or even a stingy insurance company.

Your mission is to uncover your purpose; your reason for being. I'm certain that it's not to limp along, barely surviving! Set your heart on identifying your purpose, and bring clarity to it through language. (By the way, your purpose isn't to adjust. Adjusting merely helps you pursue your purpose. You may find my one-hour mini-seminar Being On Purpose program helpful.)

2. Model someone who has what you desire. It's difficult to act the part if you've never seen it. Find a practitioner who is doing and experiencing practice the way you want to. Don't get distracted by the superficial procedures and scripts. Instead spend time uncovering the underlying beliefs, values and worldview of the chiropractor you're shadowing. What do they believe about chiropractic, the adjustment, patients, staff relationships, purpose, health, etc. that drive the way they run their practice? Spend time watching, listening, asking and being filled. Drop the pride. Show up ready to receive.

Remember, your circumstances are merely the result of your beliefs. If you believe something that isn't true (scarce patients, the world is against you, etc.), you'll tend to act and behave in ways so as to line up with the lie. You must come to grips with what you believe. And then, come to learn and believe the truth, which we all know, will set us… free.

3. Discontinue all distractions and addictions. This is especially difficult now, but try to avoid all media, especially television, sugar, alcohol, pornography or any other distraction you use to find comfort and amuse yourself so you don't have to face reality. These behaviors tend to separate you from others and fuel your private pity party. This is a time for restoration, physical exercise, house cleaning (literal and figurative) and bringing organization and simplicity to your life. You are now on a spiritual quest and must be able to see what is, unencumbered by the mass hypnotism of the media, the sugar high or the alcohol fog. Prepare yourself to receive.

4. Go through rather than around. Part of your entrapment is that you have likely created circumstances in which you simply tolerate, going around, avoiding or choosing not to look at. My guess is that there is some part of your life that you are afraid to see or others are shielding you from. Maybe it's a staff member who siphons off your energy or that of patients. Perhaps it's a spouse with a spending problem or an addiction you're unwilling to confront. Or some co-dependency, resentment, fear, unresolved situation or difficult conversation you've chosen not to face or confront. It's essential that you go through it now and end the avoidance. It will probably be uncomfortable, maybe painful. But that's what it takes to neutralize the emotional charge that is weighing you down.

5. Show some gratitude. Regardless of your particular circumstances I'm sure there are millions of people who would gladly switch places with you. Maybe billions. The way to open up the floodgates of blessing is to become profoundly appreciative. In other words, you must accept what is so and be thankful for it. Thankful of financial stress and a lack of traction? Yes. Accept that you created these circumstances by the beliefs and decisions you've made up until now and identify how they serve you. How they serve you? Yes. There's something about your current circumstances that is beneficial. Dig deep.

6. It's not about you. You may be the one feeling inadequate, unsupported, confused or uncertain, but this thing you're trying to do is not about you. It's about serving others. “I'll be successful when _________," is a common symptom of this. It's the emotional version of going on a diet. Unhelpful. Instead, monitor your emotional state and be mindful of your activities. Make sure you are always using your time for the highest and best purpose.

7. Clean up your self-talk. Many who struggle can be rather cruel in the way they speak to themselves about their circumstances. “You dummy!" “What a jerk!" “That was stupid!" “I need more new patients!" “If that insurance check doesn't show up I'm screwed." I'm guessing your internal dialogue is far less benign. You could probably use a healthier mantra. Here's one that I used when going through a difficult patch: “Who else can I serve?" Say that to yourself throughout the day and you'll be surprised by the opportunities that show up. I was.

The “fake-it-till-you-make-it" strategy is mechanistic, difficult to sustain and ultimately unhelpful. Your heart and mind must experience renewal to be the influential healer I'm assuming you want to be. The evil one, who apparently feels threatened by your potential, is likely waging much of the oppression you're experiencing. To be worthy of such attention is proof of your hidden power and impending threat. Seize it.

Thanks for the question!

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